Back from the Dead (in more ways than one)
April 4th, 2009
I’ve had this video on private for 3 years now. Mostly because it shows me crying like a baby. I also regret my behavior that evening, but, you know, I made the video. And it truly is an expression of how I felt at that moment. It’s also one of the only videos that showcase my Grandma being her lovable self, she passed away January 3, 2009. I miss her so much. Anyway, here it is, back from the dead:
April 12th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
I am so impressed and amazed by the work you do in your blog and on IFC. I hope that I will have a chance to see your live work at some point, but until then, keep up the amazing work. It is funny, smart, and touching.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Mary:
I watched this video in the library without sound. Even seeing it like that killed me. No joke. I started tearing up a little myself.
Your Grandma seemed like a wonderful person. I couldn’t help feeling sad that she was gone, even if I never met her.
Don’t regret your behavior. No reason for that. You are human. When it comes to grief, all bets are off. If it makes you feel any better, when my buddy jumped, I was a wreck and I had no idea when I was going to accept that kind of loss. I’ll never forget after the alcohol from my three day bender was wearing off. I heard the song “Let It Be” and I just spontaneously cried. And cried. Like a two-year-old.
To make matters worse, my girlfriend at the time — you’ll soon understand one reason why we are no longer together — said, “I don’t understand why you are so sad. The older you get, the more people you lose. Besides, if you ask me, him killing himself was him taking responsibility for his life.” Sure he was an alcoholic potheat who had not the greatest prospects. On disability, still lived with Mom and Dad… But he was one of my best and most loyal friends. I will never forgive her for saying that as long as I live.
At any rate, I cannot say enough that you are one of the most courageous, honest, beautiful and genuine people I have ever met. You have been an inspiration to me, especially as I have navigated some of the lowest valleys of my life. You always will too.
And the harder they come, the harder they fall, one and all.
J.G.P.C.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Update:
Oops! Because I watched it without sound, I had no idea what it was really about. FML!
Anyway, I understand now. Of all your videos, this resonated with me on the most personal level. No joke.
I mean, wow! That sucked! I feel mad for you! I mean, what the backside is wrong with what you wanted to? Why the objection?
Also, don’t take this wrong, but I know how you feel. I have difficulty dealing with being around my mother. Believe it or not, my mother made the same apology. It feels just as empty coming from her. I couldn’t be the son she wanted to be, either. There was just no way, however I tried. Nothing was ever good enough. As much as I do love her, and as angry about things I get, I don’t give a fuck anymore. I have learned to love who I am, warts and all.
Why do people do that to their kids?
Finally, even though you were cheated out of something, don’t regret your behavior. I understand where you were coming from. Besides, no matter what you did, I believe that you were faultless. I really feel for you, and I thought what you wanted to do was sweet. And my comment about you being genuine and honest, an inspiration etc. still stands. Again, sorry for being clumsy with the last blog post.
By the way did those things you talk about toward the end of the video really happen?