Mary Van Notes

I get some great messages–so good, I must share them with others.  Here’s one from the good ol’ YouTube inbox.

I was born in a foreign country (Budapest, Hungary) and so was not circumcised. When I grew up in the states, I was shocked to see that I was different from all the other boys and men. I always wanted to be like all the other guys.

Following a urinary tract infection in adulthood, I decided to get circumcised. Having known it both ways, I can tell you what I think circumcision does to men. There was a marked increase afterwards in libido or sex drive. I think the proceedure increases testosterone.

The second big big effect I noticed was that my sexuality became hard-wired to respond to a combination of women plus war. I became very aroused by the thought of fighting for the women I know and care for.

I therefore think it stimulates men to “fuck and fight”, thus fulfilling our biological roles as males. Like so many have said, it “makes men out of us”. Cultures that do this to their males, including the US, are aggressive and warlike. I think circumcision is the main reason the US gets into a war or war scare every 10 years or so, and has for generations. As a result, I think all males should be circumcised; it would be wrong and unfair to leave any guy out of it. It contributes to our national defense!

Kisses,

Les Farkas

Today’s edition of Mary Van DAAAMN!!! brings together some of my favorite details: buttons, bows, pin tucks and wing tips. I’m a sucker for the whole ‘secretary chic’ look. When I’m not donning a dress, I’m in a feminine blouse and a high waist pencil skirt. It’s a classic look and pretty darn sexy in my humble opinion. This is also an outfit I can pull off performing in. It’s simple enough to not be too distracting, although my new heels are an attention grabber. Last night they garnered a lot of, “Nice shoes!” and even a “How do you walk in those?” to my favorite, “Your shoes are A FUCK YOU….They deserve a lot of expletives.” I took them out for the first time last night, and yes, I love them. They’re even remarkably comfortable for 4 1/2″ heels. Thank you, Amazon.com.

Blouse: Vintage from Wasteland
I love this blouse. I couldn’t say no to it. It has everything–puff sleeves, pleats, pin tucks, buttons down the back, a sweet bow in front, and all in a sheer baby blue. Yummy.
Skirt: Second-hand Ralph Lauren
Shoes: Pour La Victoire from Amazon.com

Most of these items were paid for by sadness. Thank you depression! By this I mean, what else do you do alone on a Friday night in front of a computer after 2 beers, or the next morning when you have no plans for the day so you decide to go to Haight and blow hard-earned insurance brokerage company day-job money while trying to soften the pain of dying slowly everyday?

Taps microphone, “Am I right, crowd?”

Fuck it. My shoes are a fuck you.

I got this dress in Portland, OR–my vintage clothing mecca.  I make a pilgrimage at least once a year and I find such gems in that city.  This blue dress was a measly $12, sales tax free.  Special thanks to Joanna Newsom for bringing back the prairie chic look in her Milk-Eyed Mender days.

I pair the dress often with my favorite pair of ALDO boots.

Altogether this look has brought me much joy.  I’ve performed in it on some good shows (though I don’t think I’ll wear it on stage again).  And it became the reason why famous people spoke to me!

Mainly Sarah Silverman who said, “I LOVE your dress!” and to whom I said, “Thank you.”

And Margaret Cho who said, “I LOVE your dress! It’s a Gunne Sax and I totally appreciate that!” and to whom I said, “Thanks.”

Ah, to be awkward and insecure.

I would’ve liked to have told her that it’s actually a handmade dress, inspired by the popular 1970s Gunne Sax dresses by Jessica McClintock and so on and so forth and yeah, I’m a comedienne in San Francisco, yeah I totally know that person, hell yeah I’m into that kinky shit!  And then we would’ve been bffs.

I’ll leave you with the inspiration:

And possibly my favorite song of hers:

Dress: Vintage from Rock n’ Rose in Portland, OR

Boots: Second-hand Frye boots via GoodByes consignment

Tights: Hand-me-down from my Mom’s friend

Coat: Forever 21

Today’s theme is splurging.  The dress was one of those instances when you walk into a vintage store, see something amazing, try it on, it looks as amazing as you had hoped and the price tag won’t stop you.  In this case the price tag was $32.  Pretty damn steep.  Especially by Portland vintage standards.  But it’s a real weakness I have.  It’s partially why I’m trying to wean myself off of going into vintage stores.  If I see something I love and it fits, I can’t not get it.  But we’re talking about things priced $25-40.  If something is over $40, I may not even try it on, so that helps.  There’s this vintage store I walk by almost every weekend and I go inside every time because it’s BEAUTIFUL and I want to live there, but do I try anything on?  Hell no.  All the garments are priced at $100 or more.

My latest tactic is to do the 24 hour method.  If you find something you love but are unsure of the price, wait it out.  If you’re still thinking about it 24 hours later, then get your ass back there and buy it.  I made the mistake of passing up a vintage Christian Lacroix denim full mini skirt at Wasteland the last time I was there.  I was hesitant because it was $40 and it had this one imperfection.  When I went back to buy it, it was gone.  I keep thinking about that damn skirt!  I wish I had told myself, Mary, $40 is nothing compared to the hundreds of dollars that skirt cost new.  And you look fucking FUUUINE.

The Frye boots are a similar story.  Found them at the consignment store.  Price was a bit steep at $60, but new they would’ve been around $300 or something.  I’m pretty happy with them because they’re comfortable for high heel boots and well-made boots will last a lifetime.  The real question is, what else can I pair these with?  We shall see…

Special thanks to Mary at Pretty Good Things for introducing me to hat designer Piers Atkinson. Straight up joy is what these hats are.

Atkinson had me at “The Rorschach.”

It makes me want to do a few things.
1) Make some hats!
2) Wear some hats!
and/or 3) Buy an awesome hat! I’ve got my eye on one of Mary’s designs: DAMMMMNIT! Someone bought it already. I wanted to rock that deer!

Oh boy, I have major work to do.  In a week I’ll be performing a solo theater piece at The Marsh Theater.  It’s a new thing for me to do and it scares me, so maybe that’s a good thing.  It’ll shake things up a bit.

Keep your nose to the grindstone (to keep working hard).

In colonial America without electricity, the Pilgrims’ main staple food was corn. To get the greatest use from the corn it was ground to a powder known today as cornmeal. The corn kernels were poured in to a stone “bowl” in which the giant wheel (the millstone) rested. The wheel was turned from above by the power of a windmill. In order to get the corn in to the bowl, the “miller” had to pour it in from the back side which made his nose get quite close to the turning millstone.

(via http://www.redgage.com/blogs/sneaggles/etymology-of-idioms.html)

Today you get to fall in love with a story: http://www.sacbee.com/topstories/story/2071033.html

A couple of my recently favorite-d videos on YouTube:

Watch this next one all the way through.

A song:

And a tear sesh: