Mary Van Notes

I’m a proponent of the idea of letting art speak for itself.  But there were some things I wanted to share, so to reconcile I opted not to post any thoughts on the youtube video itself, and instead post them here.

A week after the November election, I found out that someone in my immediate family voted yes on 8.  I was disappointed and upset.  I thought to myself, “Wow… If I can’t even relate to my own flesh and blood, who can I relate to?”  This feeling of disconnection was something I had felt for a long time.  For awhile I didn’t think I had any friends, anyone to relate to.  My foray into art and performance was always an outlet for expression, a way to connect to the world at a time when I felt disconnected. 

My idea for the video came about as way to deal with the news after the November election.  I wanted to show how I felt.  It was a big idea that may not have come to fruition if it weren’t for me seeing the Project Direct contest.  It became an excuse to get the video made.  I told my roommate about this idea I had and I said, “I want to make a video about how I don’t relate to people.  And I don’t have anyone to ask to help me with it… since I don’t relate to people!” 

One of the happiest things to come out of making this video was that people did help me.  I felt blessed.   And slightly stupid.  Here I was thinking I didn’t have friends, when I do.  I have great friends!  Ones that hang out with me all day cutting and taping paper together! 

This video was truly healing for me.  I started the video feeling disconnected, but I finished the video feeling blessed.  To my friends and fans, thank you!

You can watch “papercuts” here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w4aZh9BzfY

p.s.

The video was also a comment on the popular-quirky, DIY style of videos today that use paper and hand-made sets.  I love those kinds of videos (like vids by The Receptionist) but I noticed that those videos always have humans interacting with paper.  They were always magical and fun.  But if you were truly in a world made of paper and you were human…. wouldn’t that suck hairy stinky nuts?  Like big time?  For reals…

The night before last I was thinking of something I could eat the next day.  I wanted to make something I hadn’t made in a while.  Surprisingly I was getting tired of making my Italian grandmother’s recipe for beef roast, so I decided to make what my Portuguese grandmother taught me how to make: kale soup with linguica.  I wrote down what ingredients I needed to get at the store the next day in my notebook–yellow onion, garlic, kale.  The day after Christmas I called my Portuguese grandma.  She was fine, complaining like she would usually do, “When you’re my age you’ll know what it’s like.  The younger generation doesn’t know how to treat their elders.”  We exchanged I love you’s.  And when I hung up the phone I thought, she is who she is.  This is the same woman who told me I was killing my mother, the same woman who would laugh infectiously causing an entire room to erupt in giggles, the same woman who would call my dad a gigalo, the same woman who would have a “jigger of whiskey,” the same woman who would teach her grandkids how to swear in Portuguese.  I loved every adorable, blunt and feisty inch of her.

I’ve been reading David Sedaris’ latest book When You Are Engulfed In Flames.  Wanting to procrastinate as much as I can, I’ll wake up in the morning and stay in bed reading it prolonging the time before I need to sit down in front of my computer and look at what the publisher sent back to me in a myriad of colors, having to answer questions like whether “vale tudo” has rules or not.  Yesterday morning I read the essay about how David bought a skeleton for his partner, Hugh.  Hugh wanted the skeleton in their bedroom.  So everyday David was constantly reminded of death.  The 300 year old bones would say to him, “You are going to be die.  You are going to die.  You are going to die.”  

Death truly entered my psyche last year when my Italian grandmother died.  I sat by her body for hours before the mortician picked her up.  For weeks I could only remember the look of her mouth gaping open and turning blue, instead of her holding my hand in church and whispering, “I’m so lucky!”

I was sitting down to breakfast when I got the phone call from my brother, ”Grandma died.” 

What? 

Wait, what? 

No matter how many times he repeated it I couldn’t believe it. 

I had just spoken with her. 

I was about to drive up to see her.  

She was totally fine.   

Even though sitting in front of my Italian grandmother’s body was so hard, at least I could see that she was gone.  My Portuguese grandmother is being cremated, which I was surprised by, since open casket viewings are so, I don’t know, Catholic.  And she was the most devout Catholic I’d ever known.  She was like that though, surprising you.  You never knew what might come out of her mouth.  And here she was, surprising us again by leaving this world.  And on the anniversary of her husband’s death, no less.  If I believed in heaven, I would picture my grandma with my grandpa laughing about the way she left us, “I really showed them.  And on the toilet too!” 

Unfortunately I don’t believe in heaven.  So all I could do yesterday was make that kale soup I was planning on making, have a glass of red wine, and feel alone–the way my grandma said she felt.  But at least the soup came out well.  It’s probably the best batch of kale soup I’ve ever made.  I’m sure grandma would be proud.

Kale Soup

1 Tb. olive oil or canola oil

8 large garlic cloves, crushed or minced

1 medium yellow onion, chopped

2 Linguica sausages, sliced

4 cups chopped raw kale

4 cups chicken broth or vegetable broth

2 potatoes chopped to small bite size pieces

2 15-ounce cans beans undrained (kidney, black or cannellini)

4 plum tomatoes chopped

2 tsps. dried Italion seasoning ( or 1 tsp each of dried thyme and rosemary)

salt and pepper to taste

In a large pot, heat olive oil.  Add garlic, onion and linguica; saute until soft and linguica browned.  Add kale and saute, stirring, until wilted.  Add 2 cups of broth, 2 cups of beans, all of the tomato, herbs, salt and pepper.  Simmer 5 minutes.  Add potatoes and rest of broth.  Simmer 15 minutes.  Ladle into bowls (optional: sprinkle with chopped parsley).

my addition to recipe:  If using bouillon cubes, make 2 cups broth.  Add to big pot when stated.  Start another 2 cups of water boiling for the potatoes, add half of bouillon cube.  When potatoes are soft, add to big pot.

Oh boy, I have major work to do.  In a week I’ll be performing a solo theater piece at The Marsh Theater.  It’s a new thing for me to do and it scares me, so maybe that’s a good thing.  It’ll shake things up a bit.

Keep your nose to the grindstone (to keep working hard).

In colonial America without electricity, the Pilgrims’ main staple food was corn. To get the greatest use from the corn it was ground to a powder known today as cornmeal. The corn kernels were poured in to a stone “bowl” in which the giant wheel (the millstone) rested. The wheel was turned from above by the power of a windmill. In order to get the corn in to the bowl, the “miller” had to pour it in from the back side which made his nose get quite close to the turning millstone.

(via http://www.redgage.com/blogs/sneaggles/etymology-of-idioms.html)

A lot of the fashion blogs are abuzz with excitement over the season premiere of Mad Men on August 16.  If I had AMC I would be stoked.  I’m even tempted to dive in to season 1 DVDs just to drool over the costumes and sets, and not to mention the sexbomb that is Don Draper, played by Jon Hamm.   I say that Don Draper is the sexbomb because I am so clearly attracted to the way he dresses in 1960s tailored suits, although I am also a sucker for the whole rugged-manly-man-in-his-30s look which would be entering Jon Hamm territory.   What I thought I could contribute to the Mad Men buzz in the fashion blogosphere is how connected the drama series is to comedy.

Jon Hamm is a comedy nerd.   I say that in the highest regard.  And from what I can gather, he’s got quite the comedy palette- from frequenting the hip comedy shows at the Largo theater in Los Angeles to hanging around with comedians like Jimmy Pardo, Sarah Silverman and Zach Galifianakis.  Here he is being interviewed by Zach on Between Two Ferns:

I’m tempted to move to Los Angeles only to try and mill around the same social circle as the Mad Men star.  I heard from the grapevine that Jon Hamm was seen at a party at Sarah Silverman’s pad with the likes of Andy Samberg and Jorma Taccone of The Lonely Island, Norm Macdonald, Human Giant’s Rob Huebel, Paul Scheer and Aziz Ansari, and the writing staff and cast of The Sarah Silverman Program.  Even megastars like Jessica Alba and Jon Favreau were in attendance.  Apparently Hamm and Favreau were chatting it up most of the evening, so maybe there’ll be a new Favreau-directed/Hamm-lead motion picture in the works.

Dreaming of the potential hook-up between a comedienne like myself and a handsome Mad Men star is not too far off the wagon.  Elizabeth Moss, who plays secretary Peggy Olson in Mad Men, is engaged to the hilarious Fred Armisen of Saturday Night Live fame.  Let’s only hope Hamm is as into funny girls as Moss is to funny boys.  Apparently Hamm is taken by actress and screenwriter Jennifer Westfeldt.  No word on if she’s funny, although she did co-write the romantic-comedy screenplay Kissing Jessica Stein.

What it all comes down to is that I wish I was in Mad Men.  Come on… wearing vintage clothing and undergarments to work everyday?

Getting my hair and makeup done in period style?

Hanging around handsome men in tailored suits and donning hair like this?

Umm, yeah! I’d probably pull a diva deal the way Sarah Jessica Parker did with Sex and the City and demand in the contract that I be able to keep all the wardrobe I wear. I’d love to own pieces like this:

Check out the interview here with Janie Bryant, the costume designer of the show.

I’m really excited about doing my hair these days, and being more vintage in general.  My camera’s batteries died so I ended up making a video for my outfit post.

song: Rue St. Vincent by Yves Montand (on the Rushmore soundtrack)
Dress: Vintage via Ebay, Sweater: Mervyn’s, Shoes: Kensie, Tights: Walgreen’s

I took this video right before I went out to perform at Club Deluxe.  That day at work I drew this comic.   It seems that’s how I write these days.   I don’t sit down and write jokes like some other comedians I know, I draw these comics.  And sometimes jokes form out of them.  Such is the case with a joke I wrote that day and performed that night.  Now, since this was a new joke, I was sitting at the back of Club Deluxe writing it out and rehearsing it as the show was going on.   In walked a hot guy I definitely eyeballed.  He was this hot guy, to be more specific.  I could tell he was a rockabilly/punk type, and he definitely voiced how much he appreciated my style and look in his thick English accent.  This leads into a thought I could go into about the type of guys who appreciate vintage, but I’ll save that for another post.  Anyway, this guy saw me writing in my notebook and he was surprised to find out I was a comedian.  As I’m sure anyone would be when they see a girl in a vintage dress and ringlet curls.   I kind of wish I knew how he felt about me after he saw me perform.  I probably freaked him out.

I rarely ever post my standup because I think it’s always better live. But there’s something special, exciting and electric that happens when you do a joke for the first time, especially if it’s based in real life experiences that happened the very week before. ; ) I’m excited about this joke. I see it expanding and changing for the better over time.  Another side note is that this is a real case of a joke that only a girl could get away with.  Can you imagine a guy telling a joke like that?  And that’s what makes it funny, I know… I’m this sweet looking, feminine girl and essentially I start talking and expressing myself rather aggressively and masculinely.  But this is very true to who I am.  I am a feminine girl doing a very masculine thing by getting up on stage and telling jokes.

I wonder if any of the vintage style bloggers I read have a side to them that surprises people.  I like surprising people.  I like the reactions I get from people when I tell them I wrote Mixed Martial Arts For Dummies, or that I perform standup.  But it can also be annoying.  Like why does it have to be such a shocker that I do standup?  And in my own insecurity-ridden head, sometimes I feel like these contrasting sides of myself can be a turn-off and hence why I’m single (I expressed some of this sentiment in this comic – Translation: guys aren’t typically attracted to comediennes).  I’ll just blame my lack of a love life on my favorite excuse: I intimidate men. : )

So that’s what’s been going on in my life and head. Thanks for listening!

Ah man, my peoples, life is pretty shitty in Mary Van Notesville.  Got by without crying today by singing Fuck Shit Stack to myself.  Thank you, Reggie Watts:

The one happy thing I’m excited about is that I get to open for Reggie Watts and Jamie Kilstein at the Punch Line Comedy Club in San Francisco as part of SF Sketchfest.  I’ll be there Jan 14-16, click here for more info and tickets.

I’m just dealing with drama right now.   I’m looking forward to when I won’t have drama in my life, but until then, at least I have YouTube.

I see a lot of comedy throughout the year.  A lot of bad Michael Phelps smoking pot jokes and sex with [insert race here] jokes, but every now and again people blow me away, and make me laugh like crazy.  You probably don’t know these people, but you should.

1. Ali Wong

What I love most about Ali is that she has major balls–she says what we’re afraid to say, or don’t even notice.   And in general, I think that’s what people like most about stand-up comedy: comedians speaking the honest truth, being raw and absolutely hilarious.

I couldn’t find a more recent clip, but this is a great bit of hers:

Watch her on MTV on Jan 1 at 2pm, the new show Hatin’. Visit Ali’s website for more info.

2. Brent Weinbach

What can I say?  This guy is always on my favorite list.  Why?  Because every year he makes me laugh. This year it was new bits like gay train, feet nuts, and smooth jazz that got me crying from laughing so hard.

Here’s Brent working on a dramatic scene:

Brent’s website.

3. Moshe Kasher

Again, a consistent favorite of mine, because I’m always excited to see him live.  This guy can do no material and still kill.

Moshe’s website.

4. Sean Patton

I was a lucky girl this last November when I got to hang around this guy.  One of the funniest and sweetest guys, who can do a Southern gentleman accent like no other.  He made me laugh on-stage and off.

Sean’s Myspace.

5. TJ Miller

I was lucky enough to perform with this guy in SF Sketchfest last January.  The guy is incredibly funny, ridiculously funny.

The guy even got a leading role in the upcoming Yogi the Bear movie because of this audition tape:

TJ apparently doesn’t have a website.

6. April Richardson

I saw April in Los Angeles during my Pumpkin Penis Tour and enjoyed watching her perform for the second time.  She has a really nice conversational, storyteller approach to comedy but what I love most is how much I can relate to her material.  I about died over her bit about a strip club for women where men put on suits. LOVE!

Here’s a clip of her performing at the UCB Theater (and wearing a dress I totally love):

April’s website.

7. Ryan Singer

I still haven’t seen this guy live, but his Andy Kaufman award submission video blew my mind and also got stuck in my head.   Is it your mind or your brain that wants these things?   Or is it your body?

Ryan’s site.

8. Reggie Watts

I’ve posted about this guy repeatedly.   It seems every few days I crave some fuck shit stack.   If you ever have the chance to see this guy live (and you will if you live in San Francisco Jan 14-16) GO!  He’s incredible to watch.  This clip shows the kind of craziness you can expect:

Reggie Watts at UCB LA

Reggie’s site.

9. Josh Fadem

Josh Fadem is insane.  He had the set of the festival at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival this year when he crawled underneath the stage, and crawled out the theater… the stage and all.  He’s one of those, YOU HAD TO BE THERE! comics.

He’s super physical:

Josh’s Myspace.

10. Natasha Leggero

This woman is always a pleasure to see. I got to see her perform in LA where she laid across a piano and ripped into a woman sitting in the front who was texting on her cell.

Natasha’s site.

I made this video a couple hours ago.  Don’t worry, I’m not as depressed as you think.  Not yet, at least.

Starting now, we’re in Mary,Don’t Get in A Funk watch.

I saw a call for entries for artist grants in the SF Weekly several weeks ago.  Having had my first experience applying for a grant last year, I thought, why not?  I enjoy applying for artist grants, seen as stand-up comedy is such an under-recognized art form.  I guess I just want to feel validated.  I want to be like, Yeah!  I’m an artist!

I was totally humbled and amazed to be picked as a finalist for the SF Weekly Masterminds 2010.  I was in the same group as some incredibly talented people: dancers, fashion designers, painters, sculptors, real art people!  SF Weekly wrote me up and sent an awesome photographer, Eartha L. Goodwin, to take some shots of me.  We had a lot of fun.  Here are some of those shots:

all photos by Eartha L. Goodwin

I went to Artopia, the event benefiting the grants and also celebrating the local artists/finalists.  There were 12 finalists and only 3 get the grants.  I walked in and it was pretty amazing–a lot of people.  I brought a DVD to show my video Papercuts, but I couldn’t find the lady in charge.  I walked in the gallery and each artist had their art displayed, a little plaque with their name on it and the artist’s statement.  There was no plaque for me, no space.  I didn’t feel like a part of the show.   I told my date, “Yeah, there’s no way I’m getting this thing.  I’m not even showcased here.”  We sat and cuddled up for most of the event, he said, “Let’s just get your check and leave.”  I laughed, “There’s no way I’m getting it.”

The cover of the SF Weekly (I’m one twelfth of the cover, the purple part) and my legs! photo by Hanna Quevedo via here

Me and my handsome date. photo by Hanna Quevedo via here

The editor announced the first winner.  He was introducing the next award, “And the next winner is a comedian…” WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!!?!?!?!   I couldn’t fucking believe it.   I had an instant perma-grin that lasted the rest of the evening.   I hugged the SF Weekly people and almost cried.  Wow.  It meant so much to me to be a finalist, and then to win a grant… wow.  It was such an honor.

This is what SF Weekly said about me, “Van Note’s film shorts reminded us of Andy Samberg’s digital shorts for SNL, but darker. Like all good comedians, she makes us laugh by being brutally honest. She’s crude and vulnerable at the same time. And she’s hella funny.” (from here)

So thank you, SF Weekly.  I will never forget it.  With the money I plan on living for as long as I can, truly focusing on my art.  I plan on working on my one-person show and a screenplay adaptation of my first novel. I’m stoked.